Assorted Emotions

For when I raised my head and prayed to the powers above, They heard me and sent forth an angel full of compassion, power and love. I see her in the smile of that little girl who holds the flower, Her power wields swords in front of which cowards cower. She's the one that lights up the room when she laughs, The one who holds me when my world goes dark. If God is a sculptor, she's his finest creation, Every form that I've seen her in, evokes within me myriad emotions. I bow to the goddess in her, I adore the compassionate caregiver she is. I love her smile, her curves, her hair In her embrace, I've known true bliss. Thousand are the ways in which I seek her, And more are the forms she meets me in. And so I bow my head in thanks to the creator, For he saved me by creating women.

My pact with the devil is complete, all he asked in exchange for peace is a piece of my soul. The one I gave, was the one that held the key It was the one that kept me whole. At least he was honest, brutal but honest, He kept his side of the bargain too. He gave me peace, and that's when I realized I'm in love with Chaos, through and through. And so I asked him for my soul back, for I no longer craved peace. and that was when he laughed , his black hollow laugh and said "The devil doesn't do returns, and besides, your soul is already a part of me."

Read about the jostling and shoving Priyanka Gandhi, and other ladies had to undergo at a midnight march being held by RaGa in protest against the Kathua and Unnao rape cases. Everyone started shoving her and others around to get selfies. These were people who had joined a protest march to show solidarity with women and stand for "justice". Actually, sorry that would be the fluff piece version. Most of the people there were not there in anguish and despair, they were there so they could capture smug faces of theirs with either Priyanka or her brother, post it on FB or any other social media network, with hashtags like #womenequaltomen #standingagainstrape #metoo or some other bs, then sit eagerly and compulsively check their phone every 45 seconds to see the number of likes and comments garnered. If they'd have been there to honour the memories of the victims, and stand for justice (boy that's become a popular word), they wouldn't have behaved like teenagers ho...

It's not just turning pages, It's casting away one emotion and choosing another one. It's like finding an old friend on some days, and the feeling of making a new one on some. It's a trip around this beautiful planet of ours one day, and the next it's a quest to find another sun. "Oh, that's just like me" are my favourite kind of days too, and the ones where I am nowhere to be seen. There are days that start out bright and sunny, and transform then into the greyest of greys. But hey, it's ok, there's another day, another book, another place I've not yet been. There's mirth and laughter, and childish abandon. There are secrets and lies, honest intentions and dishonest actions too. There's being an adult, with all the hype that comes with it There's finding love, losing it, and all the hope and despair which is deeper than the ocean's blue. It's the path not taken, it's a well worn roa...

I slept with a broken heart. And I woke up with a body. A windowless room, a never ending road A night darker than the Devil's mind. I slept with a broken heart, And found myself alone. A world of billions, a million within my reach And yet I walk alone. I slept with a broken heart, And thoughts flew by like leaves in autumn. Memories rose and faded like waves, Till all there was, was a tranquil bottom. I woke up without any feeling, I walked without a purpose. I woke up with a broken heart. I slept with no dreams ever again.

Into the blue of my oblivion, The stars are fiery red. The sun beats down burning up the earth, The living are already dead. Into the blue of my oblivion, I have just shadows around. There's a cacophony, a ruckus, But if you listen, there's no sound. Into the blue of my oblivion, I look towards the heavens And grey skies is all i see. The scenery feel like it won't change, For another eternity. So I lock up my blue, and toss the keys away. But when I raise my head up Everything's turned blue, much to my dismay. And so the blue of my oblivion, seems like it's here to stay.

You had my heart. And every rule I was not willing to bend for others I broke for you. It wasn't a fairytale But true love with all its ups and downs. And then one day you said it doesn't seem right anymore, Maybe you stopped loving me but I was too far ahead to know. And I kept clinging on to the moments, replaying them in my head Smile at the funny ones, and the sad ones kept hurting me again. For far too long, I thought what you felt was temporary I wished, nay willed for you and me to be us again Everyone who knows thought wow, how amazing they've come this far together And I was the only one who didn't know when our paths diverged in twain.

I was searching for some additional information on a certain industry level certification that I wish to pursue, however the more I searched, the more I found that I'm not really sure if I want to put time and get this certification. I feel really envious of people who have their "shit" together...who've figured out what they want to do with their lives. I, for the life of me (pun intended) cannot find that thing...you know that thing that one loves, so one can say, if you love what you do, you never have to work a single day in your life, blah blah. I can't figure out that thing...I'm adept at most things I pick up. But do they excite me? Not really. I can go through the motions exceedingly well, giving the impression of someone who's really interested as well. But I'm not. And it's been driving me insane. I've got some 15 odd years of professional life left in me, unless I get a broken hip (which is more likely since I resemble a pot...

Where is that place? The place where thoughts and reality meet, and there's not an inch of difference in them. The place where friends are just that...friends, not analysers of behavioural patterns and demeanours. Where absolutes remain absolutes, and are not diluted based on a small thing we like to call "perspective". Where is that place, where you just can be, and more importantly, you let be. Whatever you see, in whatever form, you don't question it, try to mould it to acceptable levels or see it with rose tinted glasses because that way, it will hurt your eyes a little less, even if it still does hurt. Where is that place, where you don't need to hide love, or disguise it under pretexts or civilised notions of expression, where if you feel like kissing your loved one, you do, right then and there, without having to worry who's watching, or more importantly, that your loved one will kiss you back. My soul searches for such a place, where it does...

It seems like there's a fight going on inside, Words going stark raving mad to take flight. I hesitate, but they want a deluge To hide is something they absolutely refuse. I ponder, wait and consider all angles They run unchecked, unhinged, untangled. Do I open the gates, I wonder Would the flood tear my life asunder? They just want to be free, not like freedom today In the true sense, totally uninhibited No judging, no boundaries, no questions Free to choose their destiny, their directions. So I let them flow, crimson like the Nile millenia ago They gush out, jump, and rush head on into the world. They clash against stoic wills and egos, against logic and emotions, Some get smashed to pieces, some hit hard, some get ignored, and some unleash the demons. I feel empty inside, like suddenly the colors are gone the world is bathed in pristine white. The silence is deafening, maybe I'm not used to peace For I know that like everything, peace comes at a price...

I walked a mile in those shoes, that were tattered and torn. I still felt the smile of those feet, As they were not bound by the road. I saw the sun peep out of the clouds, from those eyes that were clouded with grey. I bent to pick flowers, and then stopped, Knowing that's where they are meant to stay. The old lady whose shoes I borrowed, The old man whose eyes were grey, The little child who loves nature They all showed me the way. Tomorrow's a myth...it's not here. So worrying will just spoil today. You see, feel, smile, dance in the moment. When in it, nothing else matters anyway.

Do I dare peep behind, all the masks I wear. Do I dare look in the mirror, when my eyes might look back at me, bare ? Will I abhor what I see, or fall in love with the real me... Would I want my mask collection back ? Or will I bury them under the peepal tree ? I know not and hence I ask, these questions that may surprise many. But if I know will I cease to ask  For thoughts and questions come a hundred a penny. The masks serve their purpose well, and hide me from the world and myself. But what life is this, if I can't see what I was intended to be. So I have flung them away they lie shattered, broken like the lies I wore. But the sad part is, even when it's off, people think the face I have on, is a mask.

On a wing and a half and a prayer, I keep on flying till I can dare. Each limb in my body screams, my eyes wait for restful dreams. I know I cannot stop, I know that's not my choice. So I keep on flying, On a wing and a half and a prayer. On a wing and a half and a prayer, I keep searching, All the skies I can dare. My flight may not be farthest from the ground, But I know one thing, Not so easy, am I going down. For if I may fall, I will rise again. Till I reach where I want to be, I will search these skies again. On a wing and a half and a prayer.

I seek no path, for my own calls me. In the land of shadows, what worse fate can befall me. I don't stop and turn around, even when I hear voices calling my name. I don't want to think about where you are, lest all this turns out to be a game. Forever and more the path winds on...like autumn leaves, my steps fall and rise. I look ahead and see nought but darkness, and yet it serves as a much sought after prize. I remember these ways, I walked them not so long ago... my steps were lighter, the days were brighter and carelessly would I my laughter throw. The pain is there, hidden but not bidden to leave. It's there coz I want it to be...not to torture, but to serve...as a reminder how much I miss thee. I won't falter, it's business as usual I've got my game face on for a reason.... I'm not shielding myself against the world, I'm just hiding in plain sight I can get away with that I know, c...

Sunshine is when I look into your big brown eyes. Smile is the curve that plays on your lips. Heaven is where I am when you are with me. Life began when you walked into mine. Hope is when you tell me I'll see you again. Happiness is when you do. Faith is knowing you'll stand by me. Peace is when my heart races at the sight of you. I dunno if all this implies I love you. But survive without you I can't. If life's moments are like the most catchy waltz tune, You are the one who taught me to dance.

So many words, left unsaid. So many wounds, that have festered. So many times I lived and died, so many memories, just tethered. I wanted to share so much, But always fell short, just short. And that pause was enough to last a lifetime, A lifetime a few moments worth. I live in pieces now, strewn together By the mockery called fate. The dreams I had, I protected, it seems I now desecrate. A heartbeat is a rhythm, not the sign of life, A smile merely the function of a muscle. I am surrounded by multitudes and yet alone. I walk through unknown paths on the road to my home.

I am that song that never was sung, The road that ends in nowhere. The breeze that cannot be captured in a jar, The wave who doesn't know what boundaries are. The first bloom of spring hidden in the forest. The first drop of rain to touch your face. The ray of sunshine that breaks through dark clouds, I am the green in every leaf in the woods. I live by no rules, I set no expectations. I laugh unchecked, I cry unashamedly. I dance with the wind to the rhythm of the universe, Where life ends my journey begins. And its a never ending journey, It'll go on forever and more. I am in every bit of existence, I am every soul.

There is no sound when trust is broken, No mark when life's impugned. No anguished cry when there's deep hurt. Though the heart bleeds there is no wound. I am a master of deception, I deal in true lies. I carry with me uncountable faces and emotions. Some that are dark and unbidden, Some bright just like sunlight. And I take part in this charade, this great unorganised chaos, I know it as moments, some call it life. Unknowingly I become what I fear, Another speck of dust in the great desert of time. Mocking myself for sounding hollow, Talking big but swimming shallow. I carry the ghosts of other people's wishes with me. My own dreams are hidden somewhere in a burrow. They quake and tremble at the thought of me finding them, Coz they know I'll drag them to the slaughter house of reality. As life gets snuffed out of them one by one, In my most sanest and logical choice, I'll know insanity.

Grow up, be someone Carve your own identity. Trod on an undiscovered path. Be the master of your destiny. And I started out, Hearing all that they said. Walking on unknown roads, The wind my mate, the earth my bed. But you can't go this way, Its too dangerous you see. Nah, that one's uncharted, Why don't u just let it be. And so I know that my journey, Ended even before it had begun. It was the night refusing to go, Its identity threatened by the sun. I don't wanna be someone, I just want to be me. And how will I be able to do that? Till I don't break the chains that bind me. So I say to y'all now, It aint freedom till u get to choose. And u say u've got it already, But this one with conditions attached I refuse.

Clear, Sharp and Fast, That's how the pain hits me. I have nowhere to hide. Nothing to shield myself from it. Don't run away for I am everywhere. It says and mocks me. I feel it crushing my soul, grasping my mind in its stranglehold. Motionless I stand, like the tree which is in the tornadoes path, Wantiing to run away but pinned to the earth, by the very roots that gave it life. The silence inside me is defeaning. It drowns the noises of the outside world. It's so normal to smile outside when I'm torn inside. Guess I'm already dead.