Assorted Emotions

I was searching for some additional information on a certain industry level certification that I wish to pursue, however the more I searched, the more I found that I'm not really sure if I want to put time and get this certification. I feel really envious of people who have their "shit" together...who've figured out what they want to do with their lives. I, for the life of me (pun intended) cannot find that thing...you know that thing that one loves, so one can say, if you love what you do, you never have to work a single day in your life, blah blah. I can't figure out that thing...I'm adept at most things I pick up. But do they excite me? Not really. I can go through the motions exceedingly well, giving the impression of someone who's really interested as well. But I'm not. And it's been driving me insane. I've got some 15 odd years of professional life left in me, unless I get a broken hip (which is more likely since I resemble a pot...

Where is that place? The place where thoughts and reality meet, and there's not an inch of difference in them. The place where friends are just that...friends, not analysers of behavioural patterns and demeanours. Where absolutes remain absolutes, and are not diluted based on a small thing we like to call "perspective". Where is that place, where you just can be, and more importantly, you let be. Whatever you see, in whatever form, you don't question it, try to mould it to acceptable levels or see it with rose tinted glasses because that way, it will hurt your eyes a little less, even if it still does hurt. Where is that place, where you don't need to hide love, or disguise it under pretexts or civilised notions of expression, where if you feel like kissing your loved one, you do, right then and there, without having to worry who's watching, or more importantly, that your loved one will kiss you back. My soul searches for such a place, where it does...

It seems like there's a fight going on inside, Words going stark raving mad to take flight. I hesitate, but they want a deluge To hide is something they absolutely refuse. I ponder, wait and consider all angles They run unchecked, unhinged, untangled. Do I open the gates, I wonder Would the flood tear my life asunder? They just want to be free, not like freedom today In the true sense, totally uninhibited No judging, no boundaries, no questions Free to choose their destiny, their directions. So I let them flow, crimson like the Nile millenia ago They gush out, jump, and rush head on into the world. They clash against stoic wills and egos, against logic and emotions, Some get smashed to pieces, some hit hard, some get ignored, and some unleash the demons. I feel empty inside, like suddenly the colors are gone the world is bathed in pristine white. The silence is deafening, maybe I'm not used to peace For I know that like everything, peace comes at a price...

I walked a mile in those shoes, that were tattered and torn. I still felt the smile of those feet, As they were not bound by the road. I saw the sun peep out of the clouds, from those eyes that were clouded with grey. I bent to pick flowers, and then stopped, Knowing that's where they are meant to stay. The old lady whose shoes I borrowed, The old man whose eyes were grey, The little child who loves nature They all showed me the way. Tomorrow's a myth...it's not here. So worrying will just spoil today. You see, feel, smile, dance in the moment. When in it, nothing else matters anyway.

Do I dare peep behind, all the masks I wear. Do I dare look in the mirror, when my eyes might look back at me, bare ? Will I abhor what I see, or fall in love with the real me... Would I want my mask collection back ? Or will I bury them under the peepal tree ? I know not and hence I ask, these questions that may surprise many. But if I know will I cease to ask  For thoughts and questions come a hundred a penny. The masks serve their purpose well, and hide me from the world and myself. But what life is this, if I can't see what I was intended to be. So I have flung them away they lie shattered, broken like the lies I wore. But the sad part is, even when it's off, people think the face I have on, is a mask.

On a wing and a half and a prayer, I keep on flying till I can dare. Each limb in my body screams, my eyes wait for restful dreams. I know I cannot stop, I know that's not my choice. So I keep on flying, On a wing and a half and a prayer. On a wing and a half and a prayer, I keep searching, All the skies I can dare. My flight may not be farthest from the ground, But I know one thing, Not so easy, am I going down. For if I may fall, I will rise again. Till I reach where I want to be, I will search these skies again. On a wing and a half and a prayer.

I seek no path, for my own calls me. In the land of shadows, what worse fate can befall me. I don't stop and turn around, even when I hear voices calling my name. I don't want to think about where you are, lest all this turns out to be a game. Forever and more the path winds on...like autumn leaves, my steps fall and rise. I look ahead and see nought but darkness, and yet it serves as a much sought after prize. I remember these ways, I walked them not so long ago... my steps were lighter, the days were brighter and carelessly would I my laughter throw. The pain is there, hidden but not bidden to leave. It's there coz I want it to be...not to torture, but to serve...as a reminder how much I miss thee. I won't falter, it's business as usual I've got my game face on for a reason.... I'm not shielding myself against the world, I'm just hiding in plain sight I can get away with that I know, c...